Do you know what language your spouse speaks?
Hehe, I got you there for a second, didn’t I?
Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book called The Five Love Languages, based on the idea that people give and receive love in different ways: quality time, gifts, acts of service, words of affirmation, and physical touch. When you don’t “speak” the love language of a significant person in your life (such as your spouse), it can result in them feeling unloved…even though you may be speaking your own love language to them. It works the opposite way, too. Speaking the language of another person helps them interpret your love better.
Hans and I are beginners in each other’s love languages. He’s big into gifts, I am not. I thrive on words of affirmation, they aren’t as big of a deal to him. But, learning to speak love into each other’s lives (in the ways we most desire to be loved) has definitely made a difference in our marriage. Like learning Spanish or French, it does take some work. You’ll mess up (Lord knows I have) but it’s well worth it!
Not sure what your love language is? Find Dr. Chapman’s quiz here. Have your husband take it, too!
Sidebar: I will never, ever, under any circumstances whatsoever, use the word “hubby” on this blog. Personally, the word gives Hans and I the heebie-jeebies.
Here are some ways to “speak” the Five Love Languages to your Husband:
1. Quality Time
Plan a special date night that’s centered around your husband’s hobbies
Be present when he’s working on something, even if you guys aren’t talking
Take a long walk on a route ya’ll don’t normally use
Surprise your man at work with freshly baked (or store-bought…no judgement) goodies
What’s his passion? Buy him that tool/lens/thingamajig he’s been wanting since forever
Pamper him with some manly body wash (Noir from BBW makes me swoon)
3. Acts Of Service
Offer to do one of his normal chores
Clean the whole car/house “just because”
Help him with the taxes/bills/yardwork/whatever
4. Words of Affirmation
Leave a love note scavenger hunt around the house for when he gets home from work
Fill up a Pillbox (I do this for Hans every week and leave it in his lunchbox)
Praise him in front of his friends/family
5. Physical Touch
Hold his hand in the car
Make the Song of Solomon…*ahem*…sing again
Did he have a tough day at work? Give him a nice, deep back massage
What are other ways you can speak your husband’s Love Language?
P.S. - Bonus Love Languages in which I am fluent: sarcasm and hot drinks.